To be or not to be

You go to temple everyday to give milk and water to idols? You want to be an engineer, doctor, CA? Great!! Go ahead! You're at the right path. You want to be a painter, a writer, a photographer, a musician? Oh! Sorry, there less chances that you would succeed because Rohan's father told me that his brother's son tried hard to be a painter but couldn't earn anything. And you know, Neha's mother told me that she didn't let Neha be a writer. She has got Neha admitted into an engineering college by paying a donation of 16 lakhs. All this is useless, only good to dream but not realizable...

And you'll ,meet at least a thousand heads who would present you different reasons that you aren't capable of doing what you want to or what you want to do is useless! Trust me, you've more capillaries than the number of people you meet and don't forget that each infuses in you the life, so that you can do what you want to, what you think is the message of your life. When you'll breathe your last minutes in some hospital you won't think good or bad about what your profession is but what you are, what your life has been , and whether or not have you been fair and honest to yourself and others. There's much more to life. Besides profession is just a tool of spreading your message. Important part is the message, the aim; and not the communication channel.

Sometimes...............

Sometimes when i see selfless love and care of in the form of parents... friends....teachers.... I wonder if i can ever be grateful enough to them for being so nice, for being there with me all the time, for helping me without their own selfish motives, for listening to me as long as i wish, for smiling with me even if they're unhappy,for trying to make me smile even in their own adversities, for choosing words while taking care of my feelings, for giving me their blessings every moment..... And i realize.... considering that i cannot even count what all they've and they've been doing for me....the matter of being grateful enough or repaying is far beyond.....I wonder.... perhaps i don't deserve to be loved and cared so much.... for they love me for being what i am and i fear.... unknowingly, i am loosing that identity, those values....getting drowned deeper into the whirlpool of deceit......

The human 'beings'...........

There's a high probability that my calculations might have gone wrong somewhere, or perhaps my observation is covered with a layer of my own apprehensions and preconceptions....or my knowledge of literature does not suffice to understand.... the meaning a very simple word....."Human Beings"..... Something that we are....I.... You and and all of us.... And what i always thought was that the only meaning of this simple word was..... To be humane.... But things seem to be very different....for we're definitely not humane..... and we claim ourselves to be human beings... So either postulate must be wrong.... For to be humane does not mean to just keep running in the name of fame, success, and happiness of our loved ones....tramping the feelings, wishes and dreams of several humans, whom we unfortunately call strangers, under the feet of greed and selfishness, very beautifully covered with the branded shoes of social responsibilities and human nature..... I doubt....... we're just living beings....or perhaps more precisely surviving being..... But definitely not human beings....

I wish i would be a writer or a painter......

:-) Childish, i know.... After 2.5 years of engineering..... And infact, 4.5 years of effective work...i sometimes still feel i could be a painter or perhaps a writer... What else can be better than a pen or a brush....and a sheet of paper or a canvas....? And no one to question you.......... No x's, no y's.....No integrals.......no differentials.... no formulae... No rules... Nothing!!Just imagination and brush..... feelings and canvas..... But then i realise, i'm supposed to be an engineer........ And i'm supposed to be happy about it.....

Some things i cannot say......Some things i should not say.....

Perhaps........those some things.....i should not feel..... but....i just can't stop myself from feeling distressed....when i see people offering flowers, milk and water to the Shivling on the pious day of Mahashivratri.........Is it that they cannot see the outlet that goes into the manholes or the man who is collecting those flowers in the dustbin..... just a few moments after they've been offered..... or that i see more than i should? I wonder how can we stop ourselves from offering that milk to the poor kid standing outside the temple and........... And if i question to myself.....whether it's ignorance or spirituality..... what's so wrong with it? And if the innermost, uninfluenced answer of my heart is not what it should be............how am i wrong....!! Sometimes i really want to ask Lord Shiva.....if He really is happy from us doing all this? And if He's not.... for which i'm very optimistic that He isn't.... Why doesn't He, being All-powerful...just tell this....?

SOME PEOPLE WITH WHOM YOU CAN BE YOUR OWN SELF.........

False smiles,calculated words,suppressed tears..........Some unsaid, unknown, undefined masks that we wear most of the times......Sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly....sometimes wanted, sometimes unwanted........But there are some people with whom i can be my own self........With whom i don't have to think before i speak my heart........with whom i don't have to keep my eyes down to conceal my tears............with whom i can smile as and when i want to........For whom my presence isn't something that they would want to get rid of.... those whom i don't need to ask if they would be there with me..........for i know.......good or bad....right or wrong....seen or unseen.....they and their wishes would always be with me......:-)

A new principle of happiness and optimism......

System is a donkey........You cannot make horses out of donkey.........You can only make better donkeys..... Oh yes........And if you would know beforehand that system is a donkey you won't try making a singer out of it......... For a minute you can think of teaching a donkey mathematics....even though any wise person would consider it same as banging your head on wall........But you can always give a try......you know..... Anyways, making a singer out of a donkey is no doubt an impossible task.....just as that of analyzing a real system with infinite impulse response without sampling it.......... Oh... No? Okay, let the Mozart try and i can contest he wouldn't be able to teach him music........ Anyways...if you still don't agree........well i'll say........you can teach manners, etiquette.......may be responsibility............but you cannot purify one's heart and soul..... you cannot show someone his soul's image in the mirror of ethics..... And the more you understand this......the more likely are you to be happy........For you would know you cannot fill souls in lifeless flesh and blood through your words..........

More important to look beautiful than to be so.........

You're intelligent,confident, hardworking? Great.... You're honest, innocent, calm? Even better..... How good do you look? mm...Well not that good....Oh...Then it's your bad luck....Sorry....You disqualify.... You're liable to be given suggestions by incorrigibly cranky people just like that....without any reason.... But they are honourable, wise and winsome bunch of people.....And you cannot compare them to yourself.... So,remaining quiet and letting it go off your head is the only refuge...

1....2.....3 and the count goes on............

We all do and accept small favours(favours might not be a right word) for our loved ones........sometimes wanted and sometimes even unwanted......sometimes after being asked, sometimes unsaid...... and we never even think of them as tasks separated from us..... those are the things we love to do....that make us and our dear ones happy and satisfied..... and i always thought we do those small things more for ourselves than for others....for we love to be cared and helped and we our heart unknowingly tells us to do the same for our dear ones.... But misconceptions are like mirrors that break some day......And mine if not broken seems to have cracked severely...... When you realize some people around you, count everything.....every small thing they do for you..... And unfortunately, you were a bad accountant in not having maintained those figures...... oh....that won't turn me into a good accountant...........For i've realised broken mirrors are capable of multiple reflections and show you every face, you other wise wouldn't have..... and besides....i'm wise enough to realise..... keeping an account of those figures, i'll still remain indebted to those who love me from the bottom of their hearts....to those few, who don't keep a count of what all they do for me....

Sometimes.........I envy my own childhood.............

The days when i could laugh without calculations, and cry without embarrassing people around........when i could smile even at a severe rebuke or criticism..... When i would not think a moment even if someone would tell me i was the worst person in the world..... When all i knew about the world was my mom who cared for me,my papa who loved even after i committed stupid mistakes, my cute brother, the best thing i had, my loving daadi who would tell me as many stories with as many fairies as i wanted..... And my friends.....who would laugh and smile with me for no reason all the time........ When i could speak my heart to anyone who passed me a caring glance and bowed on his knees to ask me why i was qiuet..........When.......

:-) Redefining.........

Oh... i'm not writing something on my own today...........too lazy....i know.......But i'm writing something really nice that someone beautiful said to me..... And here is goes....... The definition of friendship in just one line......." A friend is one, who i would introduce the first to my soul mate, the day i'll marry...." :-) Ah....And the first thought that swirled in my mind was......I can expect an invitation card?.....And the second........... One more definition of a friend by a wise and sweet friend of mine......" A friend is just a friend..... I don't understand terms as close friend, best friend and others...." :-) And the third thought was........ I was lucky to have friends for whom my smile of just eight muscles and a small tear matters..........And that they are there with me forever.......^_^

Those gaps between the words.......

Those spaces between the words, of even the best of sentences,
By the mightiest of people, are not just empty spaces
Though they lie unnoticed, visible yet unknown, accessible yet unexplored
They teach some lessons of the life, invaluable and unsaid lessons.

Those spaces between the words , are not just empty spaces
As swift as the wind through the leaves, thoughts through faith
As pure as the smile in the dreams, shine in the eyes
As deep as the silence of chaos, words of care
As wider as the space between souls , the distance between Him and me.

Those spaces between the words, are empty spaces,
They entrap with them a world, an infinite world,
They speak a thousand words, different from those said or written,
They seize a million colours, all lined up in the shelter of thoughts.

Words as trenchant as knife.........perhaps some more........

Well words........spoken by your loved ones........even if they're harsh, you tend to blow them like a bubble in air.......for words aren't intenser than the feelings, nor is ego mightier than love.......But......When you know the cloud of envy and conceit has overshadowed that love and respect......perhaps unfortunately forever....... A single expression keeps you thinking the whole day...... For the speech might be voluntary like a wise person, bu the heart is involuntary like a child..........

HAPPINESS.............

:-) Happiness.........is abstract, an identity matrix which gives everything as it is.......which comes along the truth on its own......... It's a state of mind.......adrenaline rush........But more than that it's the state of heart........clear and sweet..........sparkling right from the eyes......straight to the other's heart....... The channel of communication? Ofcourse it's wireless...........And much more advanced than 3GP.......... Happiness is buying a new car......but far greater is the happiness of getting a toy car as a gift from a sweet child...........Happiness is may be buying a new house...........but far stronger is the feeling of being loved in your home........... Happiness may be a long speech in your glory and pride.........but far softer, purer are those words of love and care..........